Resolutions, who needs them?

At the commencement of each year, people take time to consider what they would like to do differently. And, these conclusions usually come in the form of a resolution. It could be a resolution to lose weight, save money, quit smoking, etc. And, like many people, I have made plenty of resolutions over the years, in the hopes of developing some new behavior that would ultimately change my life. And, like many people, those resolutions fell to the ground by the spring.

However, this year at BIHL, we decided to consider what we would like to leave behind in 2012. Our partner, Monika Cope, LCSW-C, offered us this wonderful idea of writing down the things we wanted to leave behind and then placing them in a jar and burning them, as a means of signifying the finality and dissolution of that particular feeling or behavior. For me, this was a powerful exercise because going through the ritual gave this commitment more meaning and made it feel almost tangible in a way.

Over the past month, every time one of those items I wrote down reared its head, I considered the ceremony and how debilitating those things were that I wrote down. And, I re-connected myself with my intention, which was to leave those things behind and to find a more positive emotion or behavior to replace the old ones. Mentally, I would visualize the actual burning of the paper, and emotionally, I felt that feeling of relief and strength that I would no longer allow these things to negatively impact me.

This ritual has proven beneficial for me, as I am a visual and kinesthetic learner. So, by enacting this process, I was given two means of reflecting and remembering the issues I want to move past. And, ultimately, they have helped me hold onto those I want to move toward.

So, this year you may want to re-consider what you resolve to do and think about what you don’t want to do any longer. And, then you may want to contemplate various ways that you can make that commitment real for you in a way that offers you a more tangible way of recollecting your truest desires.

 

Be Blessed, 

MM

A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

In 1996, I was fortunate to have listened to a cassette tape, yes I said cassette tape, created by Iyanla Vanzant that possessed this title.  A friend had purchased this tape to assist her in understanding how a 10 year relationship had ended so unexpectedly and abruptly. While listening to this tape, Iyanla encouraged the listener to adapt a certain understanding that not all things are meant to last forever, and that some come to us for other reasons. She went on to suggest that some relationships, friendships and situations are only meant to be in our lives for a particular season. And, in some of these instances, it may be to help us through a situation, to offer some much needed information, to show us our value, to illustrate unadulterated love, or for innumerable other reasons. Thus, she expresses that some people come into our lives for a season, as they may possess a specific purpose in supporting us or revealing something to us in a way that only they could. And, alas, there are those who will last a lifetime. And, those are the individuals who will be with us for the long haul and will teach us and show us things during the duration of our time together.

As practitioners, we see people come to us sometimes wanting to hold onto something/someone that may not be meant to be held onto anymore. However, that is not a decision that we can make for anyone. We can only serve in helping them to understand and manage the situation better. Yet, many times, this type of wisdom is so helpful for people. Because when you are really able to understand this concept, it makes life so much easier. Essentially, the concept of this message is one that can help people discover acceptance and serve as a segue in moving forward in their lives. Simultaneously, it can assist with changing their perceptions and their overall lives.

So now when something doesn’t go the way I anticipated (i.e. the job I didn’t get, the promotion that didn’t happen, the lay-off that knocked me off my feet,  or the proposal that was never asked) , I find myself pondering the lesson of the situation and really assessing whether I saw this coming before it occurred. And, after lots of soul searching, I find myself just saying “thank you” for the experience, the lesson and the knowledge I now possess to take into the next chapter of my life. I say “thank you” that it wasn’t any worse and that I got out of the situation in one piece.  And, as I say “thank you”, it confirms my belief that there are no failures, no mistakes, just learning experiences and God’s love!

 

Be Blessed,

MM

There’s Nothing Better Than………

While I am certain that if I asked someone to finish this statement, I would receive a myriad of responses (i.e. a delicious meal, great sex, fun with family and friends). However,  I know that as people whose greatest desire is help others, the answer for us is when a client experiences their “aha” moment. As a practitioner, there is really no greater moment than that special time that a client comes to a realization that motivates them to move forward. Sometimes you can actually see the light bulb go off, where the client's eyes glimmer with a sense of hope at their new revelation. At other times, it is unexpected, and may come as a statement of thanks for helping them improve their lives.

Very often, we find ourselves praying for those moments for some of our clients because their despair seems limitless.  And, other times, we go to God praying that He help us be the best helpers possible. And, thus, we reach into our resources, have multiple clinical discussions and call upon the Higher Power to guide us in a way to best serve the individual. For, we do not believe that anything we accomplish is without the help of a divine power that guides us in the work we do.

And, when we have that moment that supersedes all others, we offer thanksgiving for being used as an instrument to help others, for acknowledging our gifts that come straight from heaven and for being granted the opportunity to share them selflessly with the world!

Really, there is nothing better than this….

Be Blessed,

MM